Recently, Hollywood gave mothers a controversial gift.
Tully, a film starring Charlize Theron as a mom struggling to stay afloat, is dividing critics and mental health workers alike. Some say it’s a daring look at the anxiety that comes with motherhood; others say it’s a caricature of serious mental health concerns.
For Olivia Scobie, founder of Postpartum Support Toronto, the reaction itself is most important. “Love it or hate it,” she says, “I just want people to talk about (maternal) mental health.”
Ask new parents how they feel and you’ll hear some combination of elation and fatigue. You probably won’t hear about the numbing exhaustion, intense anxiety, loneliness — or in rare cases, hallucinations.
Though moms are much-deserving of praise, they don’t always feel like superheroes, despite the Hallmark holiday sentiment. The full celebration that moms deserve is one that recognizes the complex spectrum of emotion and mental taxation.
With Mother’s Day already passed and Mental Health Awareness Month in full swing, it’s a good time to drag these complicated feelings into the light.
“We (still) think pregnancy should be this glowing time and that for parents who wanted children, every moment is a blessing,” says Dr. Ariel Dalfen, head of Mount Sinai’s Perinatal Mental Health Program in Toronto. And while mommy blogs and pop culture have helped dispel the June Cleaver myth of perfection, revealing more sleepless nights and self-doubt, many new mothers still feel immediate pressure to thrive all of the time.
“We (still) think pregnancy should be this glowing time and that for parents who wanted children, every moment is a blessing,” says Dr. Ariel Dalfen.
The truth is that giving birth can be traumatic, both physically and mentally (granted, we’ve only witnessed this part as fathers). Then come the first few bewildering months as parents. The experience can be an upheaval, and for 20 per cent of new mothers and fathers (yes, dads suffer, too), it results in some form of perinatal mood disorder.
We are starting to talk more about postpartum depression, but don’t often hear of the full spectrum of mental health for parents. Concerns range from the fairly common postpartum anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder to the very rare psychosis.
We need to help new parents recognize these concerns and encourage them to seek help. Then we need to ensure that they get it.
One new mother in California was visiting her obstetrician for a checkup recently. When asked how she was doing, she responded truthfully, saying she had angry, sometimes violent thoughts.
The mother had never acted on these thoughts. She was scared and hoped to talk about therapy or medication. Instead, a nurse called the police. It’s an extreme example, to be sure, but it’s a result of a failure to normalize mental health discussions.
In Canada, resources are inconsistent. Cities have medical clinics staffed with midwives and mental health experts, and postpartum support groups. Outside of urban centres, the landscape is often stark.
Dalfen’s clinic offers counselling over the phone and online — a first in the field — bringing treatment to parents no matter where they live. More resources are needed to expand these efforts, ensuring all parents have access to mental health screening and support.
Craig and Marc Kielburger are the co-founders of the WE movement, which includes WE Charity, ME to WE Social Enterprise and WE Day. For more dispatches from WE, check out WE Stories.
